It’s not a secret that I’m very intentional about who I surround myself with. After a childhood full of empty interactions, I actively choose to surround myself with people who want the best for me. Not who they think I should be or what I should be like, but who I am in reality. Those who will challenge me past my comfort zone, and who can see past (and break through) the reinforced walls I’ve built around my heart.
While most relationships are built around commonalities (i.e. school, work, religion), there’s another level to consider: intention. This goes for both platonic and romantic relationships. Do they want the best for you, or are they just around because of convenience? Do you even know what you’re looking for in that relationship?
Choose your people well.
As YPJ says in this IG post, it’s important to know who you are, where you are, and what you want. This way, you can go into any potential relationship with a better chance of success. As this post says, it’s also vital to choose your relationships with purpose in mind.
There is a core group of guys I met throughout my adulthood that I consider my brothers for life. They have celebrated me when I reach for greatness, and they’ve walked me through some dark periods (even when I thought I was masking it).
In a society that doesn’t allow men to be vulnerable, it’s truly been a blessing to have genuine friendships like this.
None of my closest friends live in the same city I do, but we show up for each other regardless. I flew out to stand behind one at his wedding and was even one of the witnesses on his marriage license. When I still lived in LA, this same friend helped me move apartments within a few hour’s notice. To this day, he’s the only other person to have driven my car.
Another friend flew out to visit during the pandemic and shook me out of a months-long funk in the span of a 15-minute casual conversation. This same friend had a devastating health scare a year later, and I quickly booked a flight to “put eyes on him” a few weeks later.
Love is a series of actions. It’s actively choosing that person, wanting the best for them. While not everyone believes in the Bible, this chapter is the best universal description of love.
Even when you don’t know what to say, simply being there for them can sometimes be all that is needed.
As a bonus, the Twitter thread 8 Rules to Avoid Loving The Wrong Person reinforces these ideals I’ve lived by for years. Whether platonic or romantic, the relationships you pursue can either elevate you or derail your plans.
- Choose those who are happy for your happiness and sad for your sadness.
- Choose those who truly adore you.
- Choose those who respect you ALL the time.
- Choose those who you don’t need to be worried about their loyalty.
- Choose those who act consistently and won’t make you guess.
- Choose those who don’t emotionally drain your energy, but boost your energy.
- Choose those who you don’t need to impress.
- Choose those who can accept your shortcomings and choose you every day.
