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I knew I had to pick up “Scary Close” by Donald Miller when I saw the tagline: “Dropping The Act and Finding True Intimacy”. It’s not often that you come across a book that completely changes your perspective on life and relationships… but this one did.

There are a LOT of nuggets throughout the book, but I’ll just highlight a few of the ones that made me stop and self-reflect.

If we live behind a mask, we can impress… But we can’t connect.

In the summer before the 7th grade, after years of bullying, I constructed this persona that inevitably made me pseudo-popular. This persona got a facelift during high school, then again in college.

By the time I graduated college, I took a look back and realized that I had acquired hundreds of acquaintances, but I could only count the amount of friends I had on one hand. Once I started taking off the mask and being myself, I started to build better friendships. It’s a work in progress, but it’s worth it.

Whether it’s platonic or more, true intimacy only comes when we can drop the act and reveal our true selves. We risk the chance of being hurt, but it’s a chance we have to take in order to really connect with others.

Those of us who are never satisfied with our accomplishments secretly believe nobody will love us unless we’re perfect.

I’ve spent practically my entire life focused on school, starting my career and building well-rounded life skills. I’d bury my head into my work, consistently striving for perfection, but in most cases I was never really happy with the end result.

Meanwhile, I was harboring a bit of envy for those who were out living life and finding love. In reality, I was hiding from it. I would say that I didn’t have the time to pursue it (which is partly true), but honestly I never even really tried.

My insane fear of rejection is a pro at dissuading me from taking that leap while simultaneously reminding me of my singledom. Self-deprecation at it’s finest.

Donald’s words, as simple as they may seem, hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. Sometimes it takes a good mental punch to get us to realize the truth.

Every person has a longing that will never be fulfilled and it’s our job to let it live and breathe and suffer within it as a way of developing our character.

I’m still working on this one. We’ve been conditioned to strive for a place of complete contentment and peace that seems to always be gnawed away at by a sense of desire for more.

I know and understand that I can never achieve perfection. That doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Moral Of The Story

Life without change is death, and a life worth living requires intimacy.  Intimacy requires work. Work that I still have to do.

If you don’t listen to anything else I ever write, listen to this: do yourself a favor and go get this book. You can pick it up on Amazon or your local bookstore… and don’t ask to borrow mine, because I will be re-reading it on a regular basis.

Orondé

Orondé Jenkins is a multidisciplinary artist and media consultant based in Nashville. No Average Journey was born out of his desire to help artists grow in their lives and careers.